Thursday, October 23, 2008

Diagnosing a sociopath in Private Practice

I don't generally watch this show, but my friend gave me a heads up that there was a sociopath featured on Wednesday night's episode of Private Practice. A patient shows up at the psychiatrist, saying, "I'm afraid of my son, I think he's a sociopath, he killed our dog... he doesn't react, he doesn't cry, he just has this cold hard stare..."

First of all, that emo kid is a poser. There is a difference between cries-for-help fake creepiness and the truly soulless.

The most hilariously inaccurate line was "Do you know how rare a true sociopath is?" Ha, actually I do know how rare, or should I say, how common...

My favorite line: [terrified] "He's smart! Do you think he's not going to figure this out?!"

Anyway, the doctor goes to the school to talk with the kid's teachers and the kid is there waiting for her with a baseball bat. "You made my mom cry, what did you tell her?!" Ah, turns out the kid is not a sociopath after all. yes he killed the dog, but it was because the dog had cancer and he wanted to save his mother the money treating the dog. That sounds reasonable, killing animals to save money. Hmm... actually, he could still be a sociopath. And you know what? That's okay.

Can moral compasses lead you astray?

This conversation is why I will never understand people with moral compasses. You try to follow this logic:

Friend: in your post about the intern . . . "seeing the look on intern's face when the realization hit that the secret had been unnecessarily disclosed"? Why did the intern disclose that she was dating a coworker? Because she thought you would guard the secret? And you were her friend?

M.E.: Ha, no, she thought that I knew already. I flushed her out, she thought she got caught.

Friend: Oh I see. Will you tell her gay lover? I think you should.

M.E.
: You think I should?! Why?

Friend
: You should tell her because she is with a crazy girl who sleeps around all the time.

M.E.
: Interesting. Is that the moral thing to do? Or should I keep people's secrets?

Friend
: I think you should tell. If I ever had such evidence of an affair I would seek out the
other party. I might do so anonymously, but I would at least alert them to it, and try to provide as much evidence as possible. I mean, at least once she has the info she can decide how she will take it, maybe they have an open relationship. And if ever someone tells you something like that again, tell them, either you can tell your lover or I will. I would expect the same. Can you imagine me standing by knowing someone was cheating on you?

M.E.
: Well, no, because you have more loyalty to me than the other person.

Friend
: I would tell on you. No, i would tell you "You can tell ___, or I will, but it isn't fair for them not to know."

M.E.
: You would rat me out?

Friend
: Do you feel betrayed by that? Are you going to tell the girlfriend?

M.E
.: No, because I don't really know for sure. And they weren't dating at the time, I don't think... so it seems like it makes less sense to tell.

Friend
: I see, fooling yourself.

M.E.
: Fooling myself?

Friend
: Why would she confess if she did no wrong?

M.E.
: Oh, you're saying I should force her to confess?

Friend
: No. I suppose if she wasn't clearly dating at that time, it might be hazy. But I bet the girlfriend doesn't know.

M.E.
: Yeah, I bet the girlfriend doesn't know either. That's why I have power over her. Over them both, really.

Monday, October 20, 2008

Why I like being a sociopath

There are a lot of reasons why it is frustrating and very lonely to be a sociopath, but there are good parts, too. My favorite part about being a sociopath is the mind games. For the past several years I have been domesticated: trying to stay on the up and up, trying not only to pass but to do the "right thing." But I still love *love* to indulge in a brilliant mind game every once in a while. There is something so oddly satisfying in seeing someone giving up their volition to you. I'm especially proud of my most recent conquest, particularly since it involves vindication.

The worst thing you can do as a sociopath is fall asleep on the job. This happened to me last summer at work. There was an intern who was energetic and naive. I thought nothing of my interactions with intern until I learned that intern was having a steamy affair with an opposite sex member of the staff, even though intern professed to be gay and in a relationship. I was intrigued, but more than that, my ego was hurt that I had not recognized intern for being a con-artist. I started wondering to what extent I had already been conned. I tried to set my own traps, but ended up always losing--including losing very badly in a poker game one memorable night.

Flash forward to the present: intern back, sociopath in action. This time I put intern on the defensive right away: thrust parry, hidden insults, criticisms disguised as well meaning advice, flattery, insinuations, retreat. I know how to breed dis-ease. I keep at this for weeks until finally I get an unexpected and so-satisfying consequence: the intern confesses to being in a secret relationship with another co-worker. Applause applause. But the best moment was when instead of giving her a smug face of satisfaction (beginner's mistake), I showed shock with just a hint of scandalization and embarrassment, which of course made the intern even more embarrassed and nonplussed. Seeing the look on intern's face when the realization hit that the secret had been unnecessarily disclosed? Priceless. And I still have the info about the previous affair! Which means I will continue to reap what I have sown here.

It was a good day to be a sociopath.

Sociopaths in the news

On actress Anne Hathaway's ex, Italian businessman Raffaello Follieri:
When I advise women and men about how to avoid someone with sociopathic tendencies, I tell them don't expect a monster; instead expect someone oozing with charm. Yet, underneath the heat and charisma are cold thoughts and actions devoid of empathy. Impulsivity, thrill-seeking, and constant boredom are characteristic.
Relationships are used as stepping stones to get them where they want to go. They have an uncanny ability to push someone to the brink, but then suck them back into the relationship again. It's drama, and they love it.

But cads are not infallible. There are always signs. That's why it's so important to educate men and women to see the signs, as well as helping them achieve the courage and willingness it takes to interpret them.
I'm not sure exactly what the signs would be, possibly claiming a personal relationship with the Pope?

Friday, October 17, 2008

Sociopath advise on how to deal with sociopaths, part II

Reading these comments from sociopaths, you may be asking yourself, why does anyone put up with sociopaths in the first place? Can sociopaths love? Can they be in a relationship?
"In the beginning, what people are attracted to in psychopaths is they seem to know what you want, what you need, what makes you laugh, and feel good. They are mirroring what is inside you back at you, and throwing in what they've learned. In return, they absorb part of who you are psychologically. They become what you want as much as they can. The relationship feels good because it seems you've found your soul mate."

"I can't comment on what will be enough to have a specific person leave you alone. I can comment on what his motivation might be in continuing to contact you, assuming he is a psychopath. He might be after something you provide, such as money, sex, comfort/normalcy, a fear or fight fix. You might be considered part of who he is. He has absorbed part of your personality by mirroring and he wants to continue or have that back."

"Co-dependant people are attracted to us because we provide a complete immersion of attention and focus. But co-dependant people are not inherently strong enough of personality. The experiment fails and we begin to despise. If she begins to show weakness, such as eventually seeking our guidance or not maintaining discipline and surety of purpose, we begin to despise. We seek to give in a relationship, but we cannot give love, compassion, or empathy. We seek to give what we have."

"From my point of view a boundary is: "Either don't do this or I will do this unpleasant thing to you" and, "If you do this, I will do this nice thing for you." A psychopath will push you to find out how concrete those boundaries are. Willpower and discipline must be maintained in order to keep the psychopath in line until a natural order is established and a direction given (if the psychopath wants a relationship)."

"As an N, I also memorize other people's emotions. It's the easiest way to seem human because I have no idea how to feel them myself!! I'd be very easy to spot if I didn't know how to pretend to have emotions like everyone else."

"Normal people may sense or feel the presence of 'evil'. It permeates from the P. We react with nauseau, fear, and we often say "Oh, he doesn't mean that". It is often intangible and something we can't really define."

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