Thursday, October 2, 2008

Sick

I'm sick and so world-weary today. I often tell people that if I could wake up one day and be 60, I would be very happy. I wish I could take birthdays like I take stairs--three at a time. I don't know whether everyone feels this way, or if it's a symptom of who I am. Usually I distract myself from any feelings of emptiness or pointlessness with games: mind games, power games, money games. It's hard to get excited about any of those things when I'm sick, though. All I feel is a sense of my own mortality and weakness. Maybe I'm just listening to too much oboe music.

Interview with an Empath (part IV)

Empath: I think I have taught my sociopath friend a ton, over the years, about how to imitate the type of behavior you refer to as "empathic." Or, perhaps, I give myself too much credit and he has just learned on his own.

M.E.
: Oh, I'm sure you taught him a ton about how to pass. I constantly check with my friends all the time to make sure I am passing, help me pinpoint weak points, vet potential plans of attack. I've devoted crazy amounts of time to passing, but I figure it is all the better to enact my own little machinations.

Empath
: He functions quite well in society, unless he takes a disliking to a particular person, in which case he is given to psychologically smashing them into tiny pieces. Which, if that person happens to be someone else I care about, tends to cause tension in our relationship.

M.E.
: Have you ever been a target of his psychological warfare?

Empath
. Not directly. For whatever reason, my friend has decided I am one of the few "sheep" in the world that he truly likes. Maybe because I (sometimes tacitly, sometimes explicitly) accept him as a sociopath, even when I am horrified or exasperated by his actions.
M.E., I think you're right, sociopaths can/will sometimes pick out favorites among the empaths, people they are fond of. Like how Dexter is sort of inexplicably fond of his step sister. Similar to people with Asperger's and others with low degrees of empaths, sociopaths can be extremely loyal.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Interview with an Empath (part III)

M.E.: So how did you discover that your friend was a sociopath?

Empath
: The hard way.

M.E.
: Is there any other way?

Empath
: Not that I know of. I actually don't know how we've managed to stay friends for so long. At one point, I didn't speak to him for two years because he slept with my girlfriend and wrote me a letter basically rubbing it my face. I was devastated. Through a few discussions with him over time, I began to realize that he is a sociopath or, at least, very close. It was like . . . I had to explain to him on an intellectual level how wrong what he did was. I began to see he couldn't really understand on a gut empathetic level, why his actions would be so devastating.

M.E.
: Ha, yeah, that sounds like textbook sociopath.

Empath
: I used to comment, during that period, that I wouldn't have been surprised if I went over to his house and found body parts in his freezer. But he has external constraints that I think would prevent him from ever going that way. Not that he necessarily would have, of course.

M.E.
: Of course.

Empath
: But my friend is a brilliant, original thinker. Although his worldview is constantly evolving and changing. He gets very irritated when I talk about spirituality and love or compassion, which he views as primarily aspects of bourgeois decadence as manifested in current culture. I could go on. He is most likely a sociopath, but I love him dearly. Most people I know can't understand why I "tolerate" him. He is strange and brilliant and interesting and . . . so different from everyone else I know. Not in an everyone-repeat-after-me-"we-are-all-individuals" kind of way. You know?

M.E.
: sure.

Empath
: Anyway, I have come to respect and (sort of) understand him for what he is.

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Obama: Narcissist?

Normally I wouldn't even bother discussing narcissists, given my deep disdain for them. But after reading this article asking whether President Obama has NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder), I thought it was worth posting. Of course I don't condone the outing of anyone on the personality disorder spectrum, particularly those who are empathy challenged. I know Obama supporters will be offended by this analysis, but what I find more controversial is that the author suggests that we have mandatory personality disorder testing for politicians. What?! First step politicians, second step internment camps for all empathy-challenged. And just because some narcissistic politicians have done bad things doesn't mean a whole lot of them haven't done good. Let's hear it for Bill Clinton!

Interview with an Empath (part II)

Empath: There are things to appreciate about sociopaths, like my friend. His special areas of interest are mass mind control, individual manipulation, and "performance art." I cannot consciously allow myself to manipulate people the way he does, but there is something brilliant about it that I have to respect. And he often restrains himself from the most outrageous behavior if I request it.

M.E
.: Outrageous behavior?

Empath
: I used to be disgusted and horrified by some of his antics. He has moved beyond the base, largely. By base, I mean obsession with the writings of Sade, completely depraved porn, pointless cruelty, and the practice of shocking people just for the fun of it. Now he has aimed his sights on larger issues, issue at more of a societal than personal level.

M.E.
: But he still is an artist, so to speak?

Empath
: So to speak. My friend will find things that really irk someone and touch upon their deepest insecurities and just nail them with it. He likes to claim he is breaking down their character structure so that they can be rebuilt without these insecurities. He will encourage women to prostitute themselves and then describe it for his amusement. He will deliberately taunt people he knows have been abused or hurt in some way--sometimes I think he does it just to observe and see what they will do.

M.E.
: Interesting. Sounds sort of like Bunuel's Viridiana, which should be a sociopath favorite if it isn't already.
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