Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Sociopaths speak out

Sociopaths describing how it feels to be them:
The main reason sociopaths don't usually seek help from their fellow human beings is that they can't trust, rather than that they like being as they are. Plus, they can often sense exactly what sort of a response any call for help on their part is most likely to elicit from professionals and lay folk alike. Sociopaths are not breezing along in paradise. It isn't all a game. It's a truly miserable existence. And it can be made better. It may not be "curable" yet, but it most certainly isn't as hopeless as so many people say. There is therefore nothing to be gained and much to be lost when therapists and lay folk try to ostracize sociopaths from the human race entirely! Sensationalism and superstition will only prevent progress.
Another quote from Wikianswers, along a similar vein:
Sociopaths, though born that way, are people too. To avoid an entire group of people is absurd. That's like saying, "Since these people have dark skin, everyone should completely avert themselves from them." I am a moderate sociopath, and though part of me doesn't want to change, another does. Many times it is really entertaining to see how stupid people can be, especially when they're so gullible as to believe every word that mellifluously flows from my lips. Yes, I am parasitic, but even so, there are some people I would like to stop hurting. I can't find any websites that can provide a way to help my sociopathy. Maybe people like you should stop your self-victimisation and start trying to actually help people like me!
And another, in response to a list of sociopathic traits:
umm... i kindof am one... just so y'all know, it's not so much fun being one either. i read that sentance up there, "Incapable of real human attachment to another." i don't even know what that is, i see it, i approximate it... it's like being outside a door looking through a dirty window and watching re-runs of people i've seen in love or with children or with friends, and scratching, sometimes banging at the glass to get in and... nothing. i'm fond of people in every sense of the word, their little quirks and habits, the way they see life, except if they went away it wouldn't bother me much other than finding someone else to be fond of. i don't have friends, i only date military men because they're ok with only having a girlfriend for a couple months and i tell them in advance i won't wait for them... i don't know what else to do to limit the damage i inflict on others just as a result of them knowing me, short of moving to the mountains... but i still move between 2-5 times a year :( it's kindof hard walking around knowing i'll never have what i see making other people so happy and running when i can tell someone is getting close just because i don't want to hurt them more later down the road... i'd like it alot to settle down, i WANT to be able to feel more with people, but it's hard to miss what you never had. i want what i THINK it would feel like... it'd be easy to give in and let someone stay because i'm so lonely... but hey, i've written enough, just know i try to be a responsible little sociopath, i won't ever get married or have kids, i practice safe sex, i won't stay in one city for long... everything you all take for granted i will never let myself have just because i WANT to take it for granted. being like this won't go away so hopefully i can limit the amount of hate thrown my way by limiting my interaction with people, i don't know what else to do. and you all might not belive this, but i am sorry, hopefully i can speak for the other people who have damaged your lives.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Conversation with a brother

Brother: I'm starting to realize that I have a talent for getting inside peoples' heads and figuring out what is going on in there. It kind of scares people

M.E.
: Yeah, some people are private, or get creeped out by their transparency.

Brother
: Yeah. I kind of like that. I think that you and I don't have a set default so we can associate with and understand almost everyone's motives.

M.E
.: Yeah, true, we don't have a set default. It's kind of a super power.

Brother
: Yeah. We are like super heroes. You and i have the same powers but use them decidedly differently.

M.E.
: How so?

Brother
: You use them to punish and hurt. Right now, I'm using mine to save a girl's life. So to speak.

M.E.
: Sometimes people need punishment to keep them straight. Save a girl's life?

Brother
: It's a complicated story involving someone dying of cancer, and the girl in question not feeling that she will be able to live life any more after that person is gone. She came to me because I knew what was going on in her head and she wanted some advice. I don't say it to brag. I'm not proud, it's only the truth.


M.E.
: Yeah, I understand. So what happened?

Brother
: Nothing yet. I have to write back to her. How is that for a difference between you and me? You aren't a bad influence. ou helped me realize an ability I never knew I had and I'm using it to help people. Of course if you look at it the other way, I could crush her and probably make her kill herself.

M.E
.: Ha, that's a good way of phrasing it

Brother
: No good

M.E.
: Yeah, you could crush her, but won’t. Most of the time I make the "right" choice too :)

Brother
: Good. Me too. But sometimes it is fun to be bad ;)

M.E.
: Seriously, right? I try to do it in moderation. And only when it isn't too horrible. There are certain wickednesses in my life that are so deliciously dehumanizing that i still lick my lips just thinking about them.

Brother
: I think I should do my work now.

M.E.
: Yeah, work is good. Idle hands are the devil's tools.

Monday, September 15, 2008

Are you one of us?

I stumbled upon this a while ago, and then the other day. "Are you one of them?" the caption reads. The article purports to present a test of sociopathy. Both times i "failed" the test (I had forgotten the answer after the first time). I guess that makes me not a sociopath. r at least not a sociopath who has been stupid enough to be incarcerated.

It got me thinking, though. I am
sort of lonely. I would like to talk a little with my peers. It'd be good if there was some real way to test if people I know are also sociopaths, like Bladerunner's Voight-Kampff machine. It's tricky though, because sociopaths are so good at remaining undetected, even to other sociopaths. And you'd want the test to be very good at excluding false positives and negatives. You'd have to sneak up on them in a way that deprives them of other cues about how to act, like sneaking up on a baby you suspect is deaf and clapping to see if he reacts.

A possible test might be something that offends all sides of the moral spectrum, like the Freakonomics argument that the crime drop in the 1990's was due to Roe v. Wade because all the babies that would have grown up to be criminals had been aborted. Because there's so much moral static regarding that proposition, and because it offends absolutely everyone with any sort of moral compass, the sociopath can't make out any one particular signal. A better analogy might something like two very loud noise sources that are directly opposed. So by the time both noises reach the sociopath, they've canceled each other out and the sociopath hears nothing.

How would you expect the sociopath to react in such a situation? When I first read the Roe v. Wade argument in Freakonomics, I cried. It was one of the most beautiful things I had ever read. The reasoning was so familiar to me. I recognized the pattern of my own brain's reasoning. I felt like I belonged. So if I'm any indication of how sociopaths would react, elation, joy, feeling of belonging--these are the sorts of things you would be looking for.

Who cares about "them." Are you one of "us"?

Sociopaths in the news


On Hugo Chávez, President of Venezuela: "He's a psychopath, in my opinion."

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Best ways to break it to someone you're a sociopath

A friend asked me today, "who else do you talk with so freely about being a sociopath?" As I started giving names I was surprised at how few there were: immediate family, select friends, only one person I'd dated (with mixed results), and a few other sociopaths I've met. All in all, the numbers are in the very low double digits. The rule seems to be not to tell a person I'm a sociopath unless there is some benefit to telling, and definitely not to tell a person if it would cause some some otherwise avoidable harm. Some of my very close friends don't know at all because it would disturb them, or because they wouldn't believe it.

The sociopath's ability to stay hidden, even to close friends and relatives, worries empaths. If you look at some of the more sensational literature regarding sociopaths, or even some of the tamer literature , you'll see the oft-invoked warning that sociopaths are all around us whether we realize it or not. Statistically, everyone should know at least one sociopath, although they probably would not be able to specifically identify who that person is.

Sociopaths stay hidden to avoid being the target of witch hunts. Some sociophobes have advocated isolating sociopaths on an island, like a leper colony or internment camp. Others have suggested that sociopaths simply be killed. Already in Great Britain authorities are giving sociopath criminals indefinite prison sentences just because they're sociopaths. The discriminatory actions and hate speech are frightening. “Passing” as normal is a very important survival skill for sociopaths, and most of us keep a low profile by necessity--and usually with success.

So that's why I don't tell everyone I meet that I'm a sociopath. But the thing I've been wondering about recently is, in case I do decide to tell someone, particularly someone I'm dating, *how* to tell someone you're a sociopath.

Options:
  1. I have a weak sense of empathy.
  2. I don't have a moral compass.
  3. I have difficulty conforming to social norms.
  4. My brain works differently.
  5. Shh, don't tell anyone, but i'm a sociopath.
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