Showing posts with label narcissism. Show all posts
Showing posts with label narcissism. Show all posts

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Dating a sociopath/narcissist (part I)

Question from a reader:
hey, i've been reading your site and i was wondering if you could give me your opinion on my ex.

a few months ago a guy who i had a fling with in high school contacted me and we got together(this was after two years of not seeing each other. [when we were in high school] we messed around(big mistake on my part) and he kind of stopped talking to me(which is to be expected.) somehow he got the idea i told his cousin what happened and he started a mission to destroy me, at which point i got prank calls for hours on end telling me i was ugly, etc. praying on my insecurities. anyway he left high school and i guess got in trouble for beating up some guy who was bullying his nephew, and he moved to texas.

i didn't talk to him for two years, but i added him on myspace recently cuz i wanted to let go of the past etc. he had just moved back here(he lives with his male best friend) and he drove two hours down to where i live to see me. that day we messed around again and he asked me out. i declined because, well, i knew his past and i was kind of freaked out by him. he was COMPLETELY different.. he was showering me with compliments, he opened up to me, we had the best time... lol, he even started crying because i asked him about his grandfather that had died a while ago(he had told me two years earlier about it and how it had effected him.) he even says at one point he wants to marry me. this is all in the first week. anyway, as they say, the honeymoon phase doesn't last forever.

well, for one thing he askes me for money all the time. and three weeks into the relationship [i have to pick him up drunk, he doesn't call back for a few days] so i break up with him. he says nothing. later that week [i contact him online] and he calls me and askes me whats going on, saying he didn't get my texts(he uses his friends phone) and he loves me and hes so sorry. we make plans to hang out the following week.

on the way [to some excursion] he sees some kid getting beat up by two older kids and flips the car around and confronts them. they say they're siblings and just playing, so we leave, at which point i give him a big kiss because he was being a hero lol. anyway, he says he wants to get something to eat so i said okay, you're driving. [he drives two towns over and] i started crying because i knew he was going to leave me there and he gets out of the car and says he'll be right back. 20 mins later and he doesn't come back.. leaving me in the middle of a strange town without my glasses or a license in the middle of the night. he doesn't call me the following week or apologize or anything, so i write him a letter breaking up with him and havent talked to him since.

obviously this guy isn't the one for me, but do you think he's a sociopath? the reason i ask is because he seems to have no qualms about abandoning me somewhere or taking money from me, or just all around being manipulative and a liar. however, he has shown some empathy -- ie, where he stood up for that kid getting beaten up, and he's had to grow up in a very hard environment which could have made him extremely anti social and manipulative, but maybe not a true sociopath. what do you think?

Saturday, February 28, 2009

Narcissistic father

This is an interesting letter from a self-deceived narcissist father, allegedly of a sociopath son, to an online psychologist. The letter rants for quite some time about how evil the son is and how opposite the father is. The father is a self-proclaimed "empath," the opposite of a sociopath, what I have termed before an uber-empath for lack of a better term. The psychologist, to his credit, calls him out on his inconsistencies and ego-driven statements: "I am afraid that I cannot buy into any of the ideas you put forth in your letter; they all seem to me to be rationalizations meant to make this tragic situation easier to bear, and perhaps, as I will explain, to mask your own shortcomings in the empathy department." In response to the father's description of himself:
At a funeral I am unable to maintain my composure. When I grieve I feel overwhelming, debilitating pain. At those time I look at "normal" people being stoically sad, and I feel that they are callous. I see a chasm between myself and the mass of humanity who has so much less passion and so feels sadness, happiness, and pleasure in much smaller amounts than I.
The psychologist responds:
[T]he excessive emotionality you describe in yourself is not what I would call empathy at all. As I understand it, empathy is the entirely normal and usual human ability to tune in to the feelings of others as if feeling them oneself. That is all. Empathy really has nothing to do with the exaggerated grieving you describe. When the grief is yours, and you feel great pain, that is not empathy, but self-pity, for, as I say, empathy means tuning in on the feelings of another person, not experiencing your own feelings more deeply than you assume that others do. I say "assume," for, based on your letter, I do not think that you really know much about what others feel—you seem to be too wrapped up in your own emotional world really to comprehend the inner experiences of other humans. Since I do not know you personally, I could be mistaken about this, but I do not think so.
***
To me, a high level of emotional capacity would not mean being overwhelmed by emotions, but quite the opposite. To me, it would mean being able to experience and contain a wide range of emotions of various kinds without being overwhelmed by them. And, sorry to say, I must agree with you that your attitude does have the aroma of ego-mania as you said of yourself. In fact, an egomaniac, which you say you are, is the opposite of an empathic person: the egomaniac is all wrapped up in himself and his own feelings; the empathic person constantly relates to the feelings and concerns of others as well as his or her own. I agree with you also that you are objectifying your fellow humans in a rather strange way, which also is quite the opposite of empathy since empathy, in its purest form, sees no gap between self and others. In other words, the empathic person does not objectify others, but experiences, second-hand of course, their subjectivity.
The psychologist goes on to whine about the horrors of war, blah blah blah. The father, caught redhanded in his self-deceived web of lies, starts backpedaling, replying in the most bizarre fashion that he made it all up, with additional sociopaths-are-evil rhetoric thrown in for good measure:
You had previously stated that it is difficult or impossible for a therapist to empathize with a sociopath. You are right. It is also impossible for me to do so. As you stated the theories which I presented are garbage.

What I was really trying to ascertain was whether you would be able to provide therapy for my son. Whether you would be able to win his trust and some modicum of respect from him.

I am sorry that I had to fabricate this nonsense about the existence of "empaths," lump yourself and myself in that category, and then add Genghis Khan and Hitler to the group for good measure. That was a little excessive, but necessary for me to ascertain your ability to deal with morally and emotionally challenging statements that are reasonably well articulated. That is nothing compared to what my son would say to you in sessions! He is much smarter than I am, and exhibits a level of callousness that would make your blood run cold!
According to the father, he was just "testing" the psychologist to see whether he would really be a suitable therapist for the son. Having obviously failed the test, the father asks for a recommendation of someone more qualified:
If you have any recommendations on how I can find someone who can provide therapy for my son I would be deeply grateful. I believe that person should possess remarkable levels of emotional intelligence, incredible levels of objectivity, and be a phenomenal critical thinker (able to look beyond the 1st, 2nd and 3rd levels of communication). I know that is a tall order, but my son will be able to fool anyone who does not posses these traits, and he will not respect them.
The psychologist, to his discredit, believes the father implicitly, apologizes profusely while justifying himself, "A good therapist can go very much deeper in a face to face conversation--body language, tone of voice, facial expressions, feelings in the room, etc., all speak volumes—but anybody can hide behind words on a page as you did. . . . The problem is not one of an intelligence gap as you seem to think—despite your little experiment I am notoriously hard to fool tete-a-tete." Are people really this easy to fool? I mean, I know they are, but the psychologist knew the father was off from the first letter, and the proffered excuse was so flimsy! I know I always hate on narcissists, but really guys? This is the best you can do? I guess there's no reason to do more when there is apparently no need. Still, what a hack job. And I say "allegedly sociopathic son," but speaking from experience as the child of a narcissist, I wouldn't be surprised if the son was actually a sociopath.

So many disturbing things about this exchange, but I guess those are the highlights. Sigh.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Tony from Skins = portrait of a teenage sociopath

I recently finished watching the first series of the British television show Skins, which features the game playing of a young sociopath. He is smart, charming, promiscuous, manipulative, risk seeking, without regard for the safety of himself or others, deceitful, and lacks remorse for the problems he causes for others, presumably only for his own pleasure or gain. He quotes sociopathic literary references:
Shakespeare: Conscience is but a word that cowards use, Devised at first to keep the strong in awe.

Nietzsche: The man of knowledge must be able not only to love his enemies but also to hate his friends.
His friends admire him but are afraid of him:
Sid: You freak me out sometimes.
Tony: But it's never dull, is it?
And in his description of himself:
Life in Bristol is boring as sh**, so you gotta make your own fun. Keep it interesting. Try new things. I think that the best things happen when you're the one in control. My best mate Sid loves to do whatever I tell him, it's pretty safe. Actually, most of my friends do what I tell them to do. After all, I'm Tony Stonem. Michelle is the sexiest girl in school and, of course, she's my girlfriend - wouldn't have it any other way. Occasionally I do the reading thing and right now it's La Nausee by Jean-Paul Sartre.
Tony is a very accurate depiction of a teenage sociopath who is enamored with his talents and ability to control his friends. He is also very textbook in his propensity to overreach in his game playing and his recklessness in choosing targets and in not bothering to remain anonymous -- things that more mature sociopaths have learned are worth extra care.

The only reason I hesitated in diagnosing him as a sociopath is that I wondered whether he was a narcissist instead. Narcissism and sociopathy can be very similar in how they manifest themselves. a narcissist supposedly
1. has a grandiose sense of self-importance
2. is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
3. believes that he or she is "special" and unique
4. requires excessive admiration
5. has a sense of entitlement
6. is interpersonally exploitative
7. lacks empathy
8. is often envious of others or believes others are envious of him or her
9. shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes
Sociopaths can also seem to have many of these qualities. Sociopaths may be more discreet in real life, but as some readers have noticed, sociopaths can frequently seem full of themselves, particularly when writing blogs about themselves. The real distinction between a sociopath and a narcissist is not the whats but the whys. Sociopath traits result from faulty emotional wiring and narcissist traits result from self delusion. I think this difference is illustrated very well here. Without hearing the inner monologue of decision-making, it is hard to tell whether someone is a sociopath or just a narcissist.

Here's why I think Tony is a sociopath rather than a narcissist: when one of his schemes falls apart in a big way, he tells his friend Sid, "I know I'm a wanker, but you all like me that way." To me, that sort of self-awareness can only be found amongst sociopaths.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Personality disorders

A reader asked me to address other personality disorders associated with sociopathy besides narcissism. Narcissism and sociopathy are on the same cluster with the other "emotional" disorders -- Borderline Personality Disorder and Histrionic Personality Disorder. According to wikipedia, the cluster breaks down as follows:

Antisocial personality disorder: "pervasive disregard for the law and the rights of others."

Borderline personality disorder: extreme "black and white" thinking, instability in relationships, self-image, identity and behavior

Histrionic personality disorder: "pervasive attention-seeking behavior including inappropriate sexual seductiveness and shallow or exaggerated emotions

Narcissistic personality disorder: "a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, and a lack of empathy"
I don't necessarily agree with these one-sentence descriptions. In fact, I don't believe that sociopathy is necessarily the same thing as APD. Like Dr. Robert Hare, I think APD isn't specific enough to give a good picture of sociopathy, and that the two do not necessarily share all of the same characteristics. Consequently, although I consider myself a high functioning sociopath because of my weak sense of empathy, failure to conform to social norms, manipulativeness, etc., I do not necessarily believe that i have APD. Nor do I think I have any of the other personality disorders with the possible exception of very mild Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, which helps me fight my impulsiveness.

What about everyone else? Are there connections between sociopathy and other personality disorders that I am not aware of?

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Pink is a narcissist

In Pink's new video, "Sober," she gets intimate with herself -- particularly around the 2:25 mark:



Now I know people are a little weirded out by the self-on-self action, but I have to admit that this has always been a little bit of a fantasy of mine... does that make me a narcissist as well? Or are sociopaths naturally a little narcissistic because we think as highly of ourselves as we would anyone else who wasn't us but had our same characteristics? Which is very highly, of course, because sociopaths have some pretty great features.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Who wants to date a sociopath: narcissists

As promised, here are some results from our sociopath inspired personal ad. Who wants to date a sociopath? Well, narcissists for one. This was a response from the London ad for women seeking men (which was the most popular ad, speculation on why later):
Your add appeals to me because I do extreme sports too. I shoot guns, just hand guns, at a shooting range. Theyre a lot more efficient than swords :) Anyway, I think most guys just mistake being beautiful for being interesting too. Well, to start I guess, im intelligent both conventionally and unconventionally. But I also know how to be quirky and im usually easily amused, which seems to be infectious. I love cars, mostly exotics and luxury cars, and fortunately Ive learned enough about them to carry on a conversation. I also like motorcycles, mostly just sport bikes though. I have a Ninja 500r, im still learning , but the thing is so awesome and fast and dangerous, its incredible. I work with kids and for some reason they love me. Theyre quite amusing and I always come home feeling like I made a difference, which is nice. As a matter of fact Im at work right now, on my phone, so I shpould get back to torturing the children. :) what about you...you have to have something interesting about you.
I'm not too surprised by the narcissist connection. Narcissists wouldn't be turned off by sociopaths' lack of empathy because the narcissist is probably too wrapped up in himself to notice. Narcissists would, however, appreciate common interests, like this guy who has a love of handguns, swords, and fast and dangerous motorcycles. And kids. I think that's the most disturbing thing about his response.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

How to "manage" a sociopath or narcissist

Although I mentioned in a previous post that I think people can have happy and successful relationships with sociopaths and narcissists, I do think that there are ways to manage their behavior or to help them manage their own behavior. Here is my response to the previous post:

Yes, your friend sounds like a sociopath or narcissist. You should actually be hoping for sociopath at this point, because they are much easier to reason with. Narcissists are completely self-deceived. They don't think they are different than empaths, just better: less likely to be duped, a leader among mere mortals, that type of thing. They like situations where other people are dependent on them, whereas sociopaths like people to be enslaved to them. Narcissists are motivated more by a need to be loved and admired (acceptance/respect), sociopaths are motivated by a need to be respectfully feared and in control (power).

Your friend sounds like more of a narcissist than a sociopath from your description. I've found that most sociopaths, like people with Asperger's, are aware of their condition, even if they may not know what to label it. Because your friend is refusing to admit to himself that his personality fits the Antisocial Personality Disorder spectrum traits, that suggests to me that he is a narcissist. He could also be a particularly low-functioning sociopath, meaning poor self-awareness and poor impulse control. Those type of sociopaths are the ones that go to prison, so you are justifiably concerned for your friend.

Either way, the "treatment" I would suggest is the same: redirection and distraction. This info is taken from a poorly edited book with some decent information called Just like his Father?. It discusses how to parent sociopathic children, but the principles can apply to everyone dealing with a sociopath.

The book describes how to teach impulse control. When children are preverbal (before a child can understand and use words), the only impulse-control tools are redirection and distraction. "Redirection is the creation of an appropriate setting for the expression of impulses. Distraction is the process by which attention shifts away from undesirable impulses." An example of redirection is a child who wants to play with your car keys or phone. You don't want the child to play with those objects because he may break or lose them. You can redirect the child by giving him fake keys or a toy phone. "By providing your child with substitutes, you acknowledge his desires as legitimate, set limits, and teach him to direct himself in a way that is productive rather than destructive." An example of distraction is when a parent tries to "distract a crying child by cuddling him and making funny faces. In this exercise, the child learns to shift attention from a negative feeling state to a more positive one."

After children become verbal, most toddlers use language to strengthen their impulse control. "Watch as your child picks up the previously mentioned keys or cell phone while repeating to himself 'don't touch mommy's keys' and 'don't play with mommy's cell phone.' Commanding himself to put the objects down requires a great deal of effort. You may notice that the commands your child gives himself are identical to the ones you have given him. . . if you have witnessed this process, you have observed the building blocks of conscience . . . once the conscience is fully formed, the process of verbal command over impulses happens automatically. The child can stop himself without thinking about it."

I would say that most high functioning sociopaths are stuck at repeating to themselves "don't touch mommy's keys" with a great deal of effort. As they routinely do this in a particular area (e.g., don't tell people they're fat), they may develop a habit and not have to think so much about it anymore. But obviously if you have a friend whose lack of impulse control is leading to self-destruction, the friend probably isn't even at the don't-touch-mommy's-keys stage. That's why i suggest redirection and distraction, if possible.

Your friend has legitimate needs and wants, and you want to be sure to address those and not alienate him by criticizing his basic self/needs: "By providing your child with substitutes, you acknowledge his desires as legitimate, set limits, and teach him to direct himself in a way that is productive rather than destructive." You need to find out what his needs are, and cater to those needs in non-destructive ways, or teach him to do that for himself.

I don't know what non destructive substitutes may be for your friend, but you should probably prioritize in your mind which of his less-than-desirable behaviors are the most harmful to him, then focus on those. Otherwise, it would be like your friend trying to quite heroin, alcohol, sex, porn, cutting, smoking, and bulimia all at the same time. Not possible. You have to prioritize.

I suggest your friend reads The 48 Laws of Power. It's sort of a sociopath's bible about how to cultivate power, but I think it can also really help narcissists become more self-aware and sociopaths have more impulse control.

Hope this helps.

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Obama: Narcissist?

Normally I wouldn't even bother discussing narcissists, given my deep disdain for them. But after reading this article asking whether President Obama has NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder), I thought it was worth posting. Of course I don't condone the outing of anyone on the personality disorder spectrum, particularly those who are empathy challenged. I know Obama supporters will be offended by this analysis, but what I find more controversial is that the author suggests that we have mandatory personality disorder testing for politicians. What?! First step politicians, second step internment camps for all empathy-challenged. And just because some narcissistic politicians have done bad things doesn't mean a whole lot of them haven't done good. Let's hear it for Bill Clinton!

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Conversation with a sister

M.E.: Do you think that you have a pretty good ability to empathize?

Sister:
I think so. I definitely cry when other people do.

M.E.:
Was it weird for you to grow up with a narcissistic father, distant mother, and sociopathic siblings? Did you sometimes feel like a changeling?

Sister:
Well, I don't exactly fit the family mold in many ways.

M.E.:
So did you notice that the rest of us are emotionally void

Sister:
Mmm, I think our family isn't emotionally void, but constipated. We don't tend to express emotion.

M.E.:
I think that's because we don't have it. I am a sociopath. So is most of the rest of the family

Sister:
I think the way our family adapts to the crap that goes on in our lives is that we put on this facade that everything is okay. We keep in the feelings of hurt and that teaches us to keep in all our feelings, to not show weakness, we don't show emotion at all.

M.E.:
Yeah, that is interesting that you think that's what happens, but i think some of us just don't have emotions, or only have shallow ones.

Sister
: That might be another reason why the others of us don't like to show our emotions, because it makes us different from the ones that don't have them.

M.E.:
Haha, exactly. That was what I was wondering because it'd be like growing up with deaf parents--you'd be all signing with the rest of the family and maybe ashamed to let your hearing self show around the family. Read this, I’ll send it to you

Sister:
Okay. ... I like it. I definitely feel like the empath you describe, because there are times when I can't control the emotions I'm feeling. Like, someone will be crying and I cry with them, even if I don't want to. I have some control over the intensity of the emotion, but not over which emotion it is.

M.E.:
Hmm, so a volume dial, but not a tuner dial. Interesting.

Sister:
Do you wish you weren't a sociopath? Or, do you like the control? Like, when you try to fit in by finding and focusing on the strongest signal, do you do it because you want to be in tune with people around you, or because you want to fit in? Be liked? Not stand out or be ridiculed?

M.E.:
Good question. Usually it's for personal or social gain, power, control.

Sister:
But only usually. What about in your closer relationships?

M.E.:
For closer relationships I do it for the other person. Well, I know that they will only put up with so much sociopathic behavior so I try to mimic empath behavior for them when I can, like a dutiful husband accompanying his wife to the opera.

Sister:
But is it because you want to make them happy or because you don't want to lose the happiness their friendship brings you?

M.E.:
I don't want to lose the happiness their friendship brings me. And it is sort of nice to have people treat me like a normal person. Nice to feel like I belong

Sister:
Naturally, that seems normal to me. So far, the only parts that seems kind of not so great about the whole sociopath thing as far as you have described it, are that it is kind of selfish as far as only working to pick out the strong signal and act "normal" for your own profit, instead of wanting to be closer to or helpful to others, that part is kind of sad, and the broadcasting a signal of your choice to control the situation, could be done out of concern for others, I suppose, to save them from hurt, but it seems like the motives are more like conceit, or entertainment, or emotional or professional gain.

M.E.:
Yeah. So sort of bad, but not as bad as people think, right?

Sister:
Yeah, not nearly as bad as people think. And with the proper motivation, could be good.

M.E.:
I think knowing this might make people reevaluate their hate. People think that sociopaths are evolutionarily helpful, like they can be little soldiers or otherwise get things done in times of crisis. But it's also sort of scary to have them around in times of no crisis

Sister:
Yeah, definitely more flexible than the empathy. But the power is intimidating, because can be for good or ill.

M.E.:
Yeah, good or ill, like a super hero. We are like the X-Men. Mutants, good and bad. Do you think if you didn't have family members that were sociopaths, you would be inclined to hate on them?

Sister:
The taking pleasure in the pain of others thing creeps me out

M.E.:
Read the difference between narcissist and sociopaths that i just sent you.

Sister:
K. I like the difference, except can't the sociopath just keep acting like a sheep? Does it have to devour?

M.E.:
Ha, yeah it can. Or i mean, that is the question, yeah? Is it like X-Men or vampire? Or if vampire, the good vegetarian vampires.

Sister:
It's time for me to go sleepy time. Just keep eating grass. Maybe with the occasional snack on road kill or something.

M.E.:
Haha. Yeah, I will.

Sister:
I love you. That's the great thing about family. You get to love each other, no matter what. You are easy for me to love.

M.E.:
Ah thanks lady

Friday, August 15, 2008

The rant that won't make sense to the uninitiated

99th percentile

According to a study in the Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, sociopaths make up 1% of the world's population. I guess that puts me in the 99th percentile. Again. I don't think people are surprised when they find out I'm a sociopath. I think they're surprised people like me even exist. But they shouldn't be. It's just another human abnormality like color blindness, dyslexia, or tone deafness. We walk among you unnoticed.

I wasn't surprised when I realized I was a sociopath. Like realizing you're gay or adopted, you may have always known it in your heart. You don't realize you're different until the differences become manifest. Sociopathy takes longer to notice than, say, a learning disability. Just like some people don't realize they're gay until puberty kicks in (or sometimes much later), sociopaths often don't realize what they are until suddenly someone hates them.

I always attributed my sense of being "different" to being smarter than everyone else. I didn't think I had some mental disorder. And for the most part, my "mental disorder" has been easy to live with. There's been no external struggle, no conflict I couldn't master--though sometimes I have find myself behind the curve in certain areas, having to play catch up. Normal people seem to follow an invisible path of personal development. Sometimes I would get confused if there was a fork in that path. I couldn't always predict normal social development enough to anticipate it.

For example: When I started school I quickly learned that it was important to be smart--to do well on tests, to get good grades. It wasn't until fifth grade when I realized (too late) that it's just as important to be well-liked. I missed the fork in the road. It took four years to undo the damage, but by high school I constructed a new, better social persona: I was into indie films and underground music, alternative sports and thrift store clothes. I didn't pander to the whims of the majority through mimicry; my uniqueness demanded respect. And it worked: people liked me, or at least liked the person they thought I was.

How would I describe my condition today? When people ask I have doubts about how best to explain it. It's easy to confuse causes for symptoms and vice versa, but for me sociopathy feels like an extreme form of compartmentalization. I can shut myself off or open myself up to emotions like fear or anger or anxiety or dread or joy just by flipping an internal switch. Or turning a dial, like a radio. All those things are out there, all the time being broadcast through our airwaves. All I have to do is tune into the right station. If I want to feel something--despair, anxiety, bliss, horror disgust--I just think about it. It's like seeing a glass half empty and then flipping the switch or turning the dial to look at it half full. I believe empaths sometimes have a similar sensation and label it an epiphany--a sudden shift in perspective. This happens to me many times a day.

Most people have to listen to whatever signal is being broadcast the strongest, both within themselves and in their social environments. I get to choose which signals to listen to. Sometimes it's nice to be able to choose who to mirror to or how to feel, but it can also be a burden. I have to constantly and actively monitor the airwaves. Most people pick up on social and moral cues because they automatically tune into other people's emotional stations, reading body language unconsciously and displaying appropriate emotional responses in a natural, instinctive way. Empaths are like cell phones in this way--they automatically seek out the strongest signal from the cell towers. Sociopaths, on the other hand, are like traditional radios. I can only hear the strongest signal if I happen to be on that station, or if I'm being extra vigilant about scanning. There's a lot of trial and error involved. Often the best I can do is realize I've missed an important cue, then shift and shuffle through my stations to recover. There can be some awkwardness, but I've gotten pretty good at masking my errors. I can cycle through possible emotional choices very quickly and come up with acceptable responses like a computer playing chess. I'll never be as fast as an empath, but I retain much more control this way. I have the ability to turn my feelings on a dime.

Frequently I won't bother trying to figure out which radio station everyone else is listening to, and instead will broadcast my own station powerfully enough to become dominant. I guess that's what some people call manipulation. When I'm with a group of people, I can control the conversation (assuming I can engage everyone) so that I'll know what they are all thinking. They're thinking about me and whatever it is I'm saying. I purposefully construct what I say to evoke a particular simultaneous reaction. So I'm broadcasting instead of listening. And I can do this as broadly as a drive-in movie theatre, with a large group of people, or as specific as an ipod trip. I can broadcast indefinitely, but I can only be certain of your attention for 20 minutes, 30 minutes tops. And I can't multitask. When I'm broadcasting I can't listen to any other stations. It gives me somewhat of an advantage, if you can call it that. And I use it somewhat frequently, especially at parties. I never feel bad about it, I don't think it is wrong. It's my way of coping. People are listening to whatever broadcast comes in strongest anyway, so why not make it mine? It's not like I think people are stupid or look down on them because of it. It's just that people seem willing to give up so much control over their lives and will listen to such drivel sometimes. I figure I can't be the worst thing that's happened to them.

Narcissists I hate. They are my mortal enemy. They are reckless and sloppy. They don't "pass" as normal to anyone but themselves. They don't get the right social or moral cues either, but it isn't because their radio is faulty, but because they're too busy listening to their own mix tape. Sociopaths don't reject the idea of the radio like they do. I don't believe that we are the same as empaths or better than them like narcissists do. I realize I am different, and I suspect that every sociopath, from the most psychotic serial killer to the most mild mannered office worker, feels isolated. Sociopaths sit in front of our radio all the time, listening like some listen to police scanners. We try to piece together the story. We try to understand what makes empaths do what they do, what makes them tick. We "pass." We walk among you. But we never feel like one of you. We can always tell the difference between sociopaths and empaths, even if you can't.

Most sociopaths want to hide their identity, but I don't want to hide forever. My life's goal is not to have to "pass." I want everyone to know who I am. I want to live in the light. Right now it's not safe, though. People don't like sociopaths. There are books and web pages devoted to detecting and avoiding sociopaths: don't talk to these people, don't be around them, don't let them ensnare you. I want people like me to know that they aren't alone. And I want everyone else to know who I'm a natural human variant. I want to come out of the closet, but not until I change the world to be a safer place for me.
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