Pages

Monday, May 9, 2016

Power for the sake of power?

From a sociopathic identifying reader on what's the point of it all:

I have been a frequent reader of the sociopath world blog and for a long time it has helped me to organize my own thoughts but... I feel that there is a problem that I simply cannot tackle. For years I've had a bloated sense of ego, I suppose. I mean, my successes, however insignificant they may appear to others, are very important to me to a point that I am constantly boastful of them. It's not just minor things like winning a game or getting that oh so important promotion at work. Those things are minuscule at best to me. I'm talking about a span of a few years where I went head to head with, who I now believe, to be a fellow sociopath.

At the time I was not aware of my mental state. Sure, I did know I was different but to what extent I neither understood why or cared to find out. It was during this time that I met him. We started off as good friends and with time that friendship devolved as I watched him take advantage of his friends. He eventually hurt someone I considered to be a sibling to me. Really... I looking back I don't think I confronted him because I cared about her. I think I was just looking for a fight. I confronted him despite his friends chiming in, trying to ridicule me. I remember vividly being unconcerned about them... They didn't matter to me. I came for a reason and it certainly didn't involve any of them. That's when I picked up on his constant lying.

I recall going out of my way to be everything he wasn't. I wanted to prove that he was evil and that by some arbitrary reasoning I instead was good. If he was going to lie to his friends, I would focus on blunt honesty. If he was going to throw his friends away, I was going to be loyal. The one thing I couldn't simply throw away was manipulation. He and I both did that... and though I showed these traits of honesty and loyalty, they were driven by an honor code that I would simply cast aside if it failed to benefit me.

I can already tell that at this point I'm rambling like a mad man but my history with him brings that out in me. Which leads to the problem... After about a year into our rivalry I was diagnosed with ASPD. At the time it was something I resented... "There was noting wrong with me." I thought. To be labeled by such an ugly term such as sociopath didn't, at the time, benefit me at any capacity. I went on acting as I had before without dwelling on it much. After all, I was already occupied with trying to be two steps ahead of the guy plotting two steps ahead of me at all times. I knew this... I knew I had to be able to adapt. To take whatever he threw at me and toss it back. Something that he never quite managed to do himself. There was a sort of mutual respect that he and I shared despite displaying ourselves as hating one another. I remember having an intense reaction to him at even his mention but it was fleeting and could not be maintained no matter how hard I tried. I wanted to cling to this feeling. I'm not sure if it was hate or adrenaline... but I was addicted. It just couldn't last, I'm afraid. I remember purposefully coming up with bandaid solutions for the stuff he would stir up. Prolonging our fighting just so that I could plan the next of our battles. Unfortunately, I had to put an end to it for good so I planted seeds all around me. Suggested that he was evil and that those who would side with me would be "safe". Needless to say, the ones he had wronged easily turned. Before long I had amassed a powerful enough army to take him down. Disgraced, he fled... but after that I've lost all of my motivation.

I've ignited smaller wars over the years but not one person has ever been the challenge that he was. Then there was no one left to fight at all... I feel like I've been wasting my potential but when I chase those feelings of fulfillment and power I promptly lose interest. I've tried looking for enemies but it turns out when you're actively searching for a fight you only find losers. I've tried making friends thinking that I'd find acceptance or something of substance to distract me but I find myself incapable of maintaining them. I lose interest in people just so easily now that I don't know if I have any worthwhile friendships to hold onto. I even once tried to start a cult but my lack of motivation struck and it fell apart within a couple of days.

I'm afraid that I'm losing my touch and I don't know where to turn to gain the motivation I need to do anything. I thought it was depression but don't you have to feel sad when you're depressed? If that's the case I really don't think I could manage being that for as long as I have. If I have to sum up the way I feel in tangible words for me, it would be boredom. I'm bored. I put so much focus on what I was doing back then that I cannot take my mind off of it. I am stuck on what was rather than what is and instead of chasing something of substance I gain momentary ego trips when I reminisce on something that's long gone. I honestly don't know what to do and that bothers me.

M.E.:

Yeah, I think you might be bored because there's no real meaning in cultivating power. It's engaging while it lasts, but ultimately it is no longer compelling to us. Perhaps we mature or perhaps we grow in wisdom, but we can suddenly see more clearly that there's not really any point to it. But what else will occupy our mile a minute thoughts? What other projects can engage us with such captivation? This, I believe, is the almost universal problem of the maturing sociopath.

Also, I should say, as a descriptive matter it is absolutely true that sociopaths behave in a way that indicates that there is pleasure in cultivating power for its own sake (i.e. the pleasure of ruining someone is not about the ruining but about an expression of power). It's only as a prescriptive matter that I suggest to sociopaths that the pleasure from cultivating power may not continue to be enough to get you out of bed in the morning, the older you get.

101 comments:

  1. FIRST!!!

    WOO-HOO!!!

    ~Vegas

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I hope all of the mothers, had an AWESOME MOTHER'S DAY!!!

      In honor of the the white bell-sleeved top, jeweled jeans, and Birkenstocks I am wearing:

      Cat Stevens

      PeaceTrain

      PEACE & LOVE, BABY!!!

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    2. Does anyone sing and/or play any instruments???

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    3. Vegas, I sing poorly, until my daughter asks me to please be quiet and tells me I give her a headache.

      Delete
    4. ThePsychopathInside-

      I bet you sing beautifully.:)

      Your daughter sounds like she has good manners, and I wouldn't doubt if she was just teasing her mom, with the voice of a songbird.:)

      I am not being sarcastic here, but in life, I am sarcastic by nature.

      One of the most interesting things I have discovered about my husband, is that he takes everything I say literally, when a lot of the time I am being sarcastic and teasing. I've always thought it was fun to keep a "straight face" and try not to laugh and give myself away, but I always believed he knew my sense of humor and knew when I was kidding, but I was incorrect.:(

      I think of all the times I've been totally joking, and now realize, he thought I was serious...

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    5. I totally sign off key. Also, "good manners" is a little bit of a stretch for my children.

      Delete
    6. ThePsychopathInside-

      I like you.:)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
  2. The only way to move beyond such a heightened experience is to dissipate the energy horizontally.

    Some highs simply can't be be overtaken or recaptured; the type of pleasure you seek must change.

    This is why I seek and create a vast and rich life. A kaleidoscope of diversity awaits - who can fathom the depths the universe offers in even a single moment?

    ReplyDelete
  3. What projects could you work on that can cultivate a sense of power that is deeper? Meaning a sense of empowerment on a deeper level. That sort of power can't be thrown away. That sort of power is in evolving, knowing oneself and building a life of joy. The more peaceful I feel within myself the more powerful I feel as I feel like I am flowing with life rather than against it. But I'm an empath so this may be different

    ReplyDelete
  4. Stay humble - power and ego trips all succumb to nothing. I have a solution to this boredom you feel, catch and warn predator behaviour out there. Some people don't understand boundaries and get into trouble because of it. There's a number of people growing online that are equipped in investigating predators online (where one is vunerable in getting groomed and drawn in by mis-guided trust.) It actually starts with a misconception of trust by earning there way through in being the nice guy. ;) You'd be amazed who gets groomed by the "sweet-nice behaviour." Specially our teens who are left vunerable and sucked into it. Work with the police. They are looking for people like you. You need to feel accomplished inside. Use your giftings & talents wisely. It's the blessing you feed - starve the cursed for power trips, it's just wasted time. Fuck power and do what's overall good. That's the true sense of accomplishment. If you want to be great - stay humble and protect and serve. Police officers are like wise - good aspd personalities. It takes one to catch one. I'm not saying they are sociopaths, but they have lots of the traits of one. There's not too much of the emotional empathy projected (crying example and loosing self-control) but lots of compassion and intellectual empathy in doing what's just for our society as a universal whole. Aspds are excellent in compassion and intellect. (I even believe far more than the average neaurotypical brain. The neaurotypical brain stays empathetic longer... and we need that too for society to run properly.) I still believe the two latter is just as important than the former in this line of work. Use it wisely. Make a difference even if your hated by some for it. It's a huge problem online and our society.

    In time where going to see all the benefits to all different personalities out there. The stigma will lesson and hopefully the DSM will concentrate on the positive traits far more Han negative ones.

    Example take someone who is diagnosed with schizophrenia, only approximately 1% is dangerous to society "not" the rest of the 99% . We can say that about a lot of different disorders across the map.

    Use it wisely. Stay humble even if your not perfect.

    Good luck :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey Superchick!!!

      I responded to your post, from yesterday.:)

      Sorry for not replying sooner-it was Mother's Day Weekend, and I had to "do it up", for my mom.:)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    2. So become a sort of profiler essentially? You feel I could retune my abilities to being a useful asset for crime fighting? Well, I certainly hope you have a point there. I know I can't recapture the same sensations I experienced when I was dealing with this individual. The problem is that I know eventually I'll try.

      Delete
    3. I agree with Superchick.:)

      Sociopaths are so intelligent, capable, and efficient-they can do whatever they set their minds to.

      I was speaking with "A" awhile back, about this. I can imagine what the world would be like, if sociopaths were all altruistic.

      This planet would be SO MUCH MORE AWESOME!!!

      A girl can dream.:)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    4. It's okay Vegas, totally understand. I got breakfast in bed. Hope you had a good Mother's Day yourself. And family spoiled ya . : )

      PS . I love listening to A , I'm all ears when she speaks.

      Delete
    5. Hey Superchick!!!

      You got breakfast in bed???

      What service-I AM IMPRESSED!!!

      You got "AN AWESOME GUY"!!!

      Thank you, for your "Mother's Day Wishes".:) I do not have children, but I took my mom out for dinner and lavished her with gifts!!!

      I love listening to A, and am all ears when she speaks, as well.:)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    6. "I can imagine what the world would be like, if sociopaths were all altruistic."

      This is really what I wish. Yes, I still have my bad points and fall into the "evil" of it all, But I can feel that same high that I used to get from power and control through helping others. I don't go hugely out of my way for altruistic acts, but I do try to engage in them when I can. I volunteer at a crisis center. And I'm in a lot of people's support system some what its because I love to hear gossip and stories, but also because helping them through something is a different type of power feeling.

      Delete
    7. ThePsychopathInside-

      We wish, for the same thing.:)

      We all have our bad points, and fall into the "evil" of it all-it is the human condition.

      I THINK YOU ARE SO AWESOME FOR HELPING OTHERS!!!

      I like gossip and stories, too.:)

      What you've described is a "Win-Win" for everyone-psychopaths and neurotypicals alike.:)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    8. I think many psychopathic people are altruistic, or at the very least, neutral. And I think that's why those ones have no idea they're different from anyone else; the most that could happen is that they're a bit too selfish and 'cold' in their personal life.
      They have good impulse control, they work hard at a variety of challenging stuff that interests them, they enjoy being valued by either colleagues or the public generally, and that's something that is very powerful, more powerful than controlling by aggression.
      I think that has been the case forever, actually.

      To be honest, life for me nowadays is rewarding, amusing, non-boring, 'engaged' and I feel very fortunate. Before, life was OK, but pretty pointless.
      How did this 'miracle' happen? I learned what makes me, specifically, feel rewarded [with the help of an extremely kind set of psychologists.] It was not what I'd believed, or expected. I think it is almost impossible to discover it for yourself, since one doesn't register the brief emotions one often fleetingly has.
      I think maybe that's why a lot of psychopathic people have quite 'clunky' lives: they only use their strong emotions to guide themselves; so they end up lurching between angered, bored, superficially rewarded, self-medicated. But it's the subtle, fleeting feelings that are the most helpful actually.

      I think SuperChick is right in saying that the way to feel you have a 'point' is to accept you are human [unfortunately 8-/] and other people by default have 'a point' to you, in some fashion. How, depends on your personal reward system, which need not necessarily be based on aggression and control, for destructive means; if you deal with why you are so annoyed at people generally.
      Then, like SuperChick said, destroy malicious people or better yet, whole systems, for the benefit of nice people. It worked for me.
      Feeling so confident and well-meaning that you no longer feel the 'need' to prove you can control everything and everyone, or hide what a nasty person you are inside [because essentially, you're not], is a true gift.

      I've said it once and I'll say it again: Schema Therapy Rules OK!
      Oh well, just my two cents.

      XK

      Delete
    9. XK-

      Well said-I agree completely!!!

      I don't know how many psychopaths there are in the world, but I heard somewhere, about 12 million.

      When I imagine all psychopaths being altruistic, I imagine 12 million "Super Heroes" on the planet destroying malicious people/systems, for the benefit of nice people (just like you said)!!!

      You "read my mind".:)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    10. What an intelligent response XK. I absolutely agree with you there. You make an extremely valid and interesting point.

      Delete
  5. I came across another cool quote today, and wanted to share:

    In a true state of grace there is no longer a sense of time or space. Suspended and weightless, you are held by the same invisible force that cradles the stars and planets. You realize your breath is indeed the heartbeat of the divine as it echoes through the galaxies and beyond. And in that one extraordinary moment of stillness, every moment of your life is retold in an instant. And all you know for sure is that life is but a dream, and living grace is all that is real.

    ~Vegas

    ReplyDelete
  6. I liked windandwater and superchick's comments. They were sensible and honest. Video-game style wars, "power" chases, breaking down others etc. etc. won't ever give you what you're really looking for: some meaning and peace inside. You don't have to prove your worth by inflating your ego, boasting or behaving like this. Obviously I don't know your history but it sounds like you were deprived of genuine affection growing up, or since, or both. You don't need to waste your potential & intelligence in childish behavior like this. It's easy said than done but be strong, try to be honest, and like superchick said, use your skills to do something beneficial for society. It'll give you a true sense of empowerment and fulfillment.

    "To take whatever he threw at me and toss it back. Something that he never quite managed to do himself."

    Have you considered that maybe he didn't manage to do that because he wasn't having a "war" with you? I honestly appreciate how difficult - nearly impossible but not quite - it is for sociopaths to assume this about others, particularly when they see some hint of sociopathic tendencies in others. You don't have a clue what the other person's background is, what their true intentions are. It's better to be patient and honest than to assume ill intent and start a "war."

    In the end, remember God is in control of everything. That's who you turn to when you get serious and want to make your life worth something.

    Peace.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. To be honest with you I just really like hurting people. I doubt my history has anything to do with my actions. I certainly see your point though. I can't go on chasing the next adrenaline rush at the expense of others. To be honest with you, I've been unable to recreate the same conditions. I know I need better goals than what I have. I admit I don't know where to start. I haven't the slightest clue what I need to do.

      Delete
    2. If your personality is more sadistic channel those urges to satisfy ur cravings in doing what's right.

      I'm not sadistic myself but I can see that it can serve a purpose if used right.

      Do you enjoy high risk? I do. I work in a high risk home part time - no one wants to work at this home too much. Actually I shouldn't even be scheduled alone, but I am. I'm like, bring it on, all tame these mothafuckas ! ;) I really do enjoy this home a lot. And I see so much potential in them and love to tap into what makes these men feel good about themselves. So I'm opposite of sadistic but I believe we all have sadistic traits. It's probably a spectrum thing. Your high end, I'm low end. Who cares ;) So channel it and set goals. What type of job can suit your sadistic nature ? Hmmmm....

      You can get satisfaction by so much more than just hurting people.

      But wait ....Your truly sadistic you say......

      Well hurt the ones who deserve to be hurt.

      Example. Ripping the balls off a predatory behaviour. Figuratively speaking. People who prey on weak and vulnerable. Oppressed of society etc....

      PS. Don't rip people's balls off. :D I'm kidding of course. Rip up their conscience inside so we make this world a safer place. I'm pretty non-judgmental overall but I can't stand individuals who's behaviour is to prey on the vulnerable and justify their own behaviour by deflecting off and shift blaming. That's the lowest of the low in virtues to me ....I hate to admit, but it is. So you take them up a notch to your level by making them feel pain and shame inside. Give them boundaries to follow. In the end you do them a favour. And they might hate you for it in the beginning or even come to really appreciate you for it later on in life.


      Delete
    3. Well said, Superchick-I completely agree!!!

      Becoming a doctor or physical therapist might work.

      In those professions "hurting people" is often necessary to "help" them. A doctor might have to perform surgery, and a physical therapist might have to have their patient do very painful exercises to help them, etc.

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    4. I would certainly hope so. You've got a good point there. If I can use my intelligence for good than I should pursue that.

      Delete
    5. A good analogy Vegas :) - painful exercise builds muscles , it trains, it builds endurance ... We don't like it too much but it's necessary sometimes to move onward

      Delete
    6. Enjoyed reading your thoughts too Jonaid

      Night night all

      Delete
    7. "To be honest with you I just really like hurting people. I doubt my history has anything to do with my actions."

      I appreciate the honesty. It is possible - likely actually - that you don't even know what you've been deprived of. "Stability" or the mere lack of abuse does not mean you got from your parents what you should have gotten: genuine, unconditional affection & care.

      If I'm wrong about all this, then either you inherited a predisposition to be sociopathic to some capacity, or got sucked into somehow through environmental factors, or you just enjoy being a low life. In either case, you already know that you're wasting your time & energy on meaningless & wasteful endeavors. You'll regret it big time one day if you don't turn around.

      I used to say good luck but it doesn't make sense now that I believe that everything is in accordance with God's plan. May God guide you!

      Delete
    8. "To be honest with you I just really like hurting people."

      I can't for the life of me understand how a person truly at peace & content with life can enjoy hurting people. It makes no rational, logical or emotional sense. One can be "happy" and sadistic but that is not contentment nor being "at peace."

      Get yourself out of the rat race. Human beings are not meant to play childish, sadistic games against one another. Imagine watching a movie of yourself and how you live your life. I doubt you'd really enjoy it.

      Delete
    9. Another option, is to become a boxer.

      It is considered "entertainment", you get to beat people up, and if you are good at it-you can make a lot of money...

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    10. A drawback with boxing would be, if you were not good at it, and ended up looking like Mickey Rourke.:(

      It is too bad, too-Mickey Rourke was HOT in "9 1/2 Weeks"!!!

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    11. You gain sadistic satisfaction by playing the moral high ground. Fanatics are utterly worthless. I wish we lived by natural survive or be eaten law and people like you would have no time to hide behind your stupid fairy tales. There's nothing wrong with fairy tales. I have some aswell but mine do not involve taking people's power from them. I think you're problem is your too comfortable in your life and without real hardship or challenge your brain has lain dormant and turned to mush.

      Delete
    12. Jonny boy I can tell by just looking at your picture you're not a happy man. You look very troubled to be honest. Your blank expression indicates extreme bitterness and resentment.

      Delete
    13. Learn to smile bro. Show me those pearly whites.

      Delete
    14. I don't like how I come out in pictures when I smile. You assume too much, wrongly, about me. As a matter of fact there IS something wrong with fairy tales...they're not true. Anything that isn't true eventually leads to harm. As for "taking people's power from them" - once you realize that God is the One who created everything & everyone and is in full control of everything, you must admit that you actually have no power. All you have is time and a soul which is allowed to make moral decisions, that's it. All else will be decided by God.

      Have a good one.

      Delete
    15. Hello all, long time no post. Missed you guys. Specter it seems to me that what your situation is can be explained like this. As one of us you indulged in taking power and control over norms and getting your sadistic jollies out on them most of your life. At some point you met another one of us that for once, not only gave you a challenge but left you on the moral high ground so to speak. Suddenly you felt the rush of actual challenge. Very stimulating, no? Gave you something to live for outside of yourself. Filled you with actual purpose for maybe the first time in your life, yes? Been there myself. When you beat him at your little game (and make no mistake, this is just a game)you felt exhilarated not because you won, but for the first time, you won against a worthy opponent. You actually made a connection with a person.

      Now you feel empty because your standard for interaction has been brought to a new level. The easy solution is to find a new sociopath playmate. The harder one is to find a new game that is just as challenging. A suggestion would be joining one of the many active groups that combat some sort of crime. Pedophilia for instance, child sex trafficking or something similar. If I new what your skill set was I could be more helpful. My sociopath friends and I play rather cutthroat board games since we confine our playing with peoples minds to online forums now and then only to people who deserve it. We have a sort of sociopath self help group, we can check our behavior not only with each other but we have two full blown empaths in the group. Yes, they do know what the rest of us are. Board and role-playing games let us get out our antisocial impulses in a safe setting. We get to compete with high intelligence manipulative equals in a strategic setting. Not everyone's cup of meat but you might give it a try. Socializing with high functioning sociopaths seems to be rewarding for both us and the empaths so it seems to be win win. Just throwing a few ideas out there that have worked for me.

      I did notice you seem to think your sociopathy happened in a vacuum. You might want to examine that more closely. The "recipe" for a sociopath seems to be one or more narcissistic parents. While the actual circumstances of our childhoods vary that fact always seems present. There might not have been physical abuse but living with full blown Narc messes up a child's reality. No child comes out of that kind of environment without ending up somewhere on the spectrum.

      Hope you stick around.

      Delete
  7. Right on Spectar TV , I'll watch ur show :D

    ReplyDelete
  8. "If I have to sum up the way I feel in tangible words for me, it would be boredom. I'm bored. I put so much focus on what I was doing back then that I cannot take my mind off of it. I am stuck on what was rather than what is and instead of chasing something of substance I gain momentary ego trips when I reminisce on something that's long gone. I honestly don't know what to do and that bothers me."

    Testify!


    Lately, I've been thinking about what would make me truly happy. I can only think of one thing. Focusing on that at least breaks up the boredom sometimes.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Damaged-

      I know the one thing that will make you truly happy.

      You want to get one of those 6-toed cats from "The Hemingway House", don't you???

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    2. Damaged,
      This is exactly how I have been feeling lately. Its a giant pit of emptiness and boredom and I'm searching for what to fill it with.

      Delete
    3. @Vegas

      Am I that transparent?

      Delete
    4. @ThePsychopathInside

      When you find it, go get it. Don't let anything stop you.

      Delete
    5. @ The PsychopathInside:
      "This is exactly how I have been feeling lately. Its a giant pit of emptiness and boredom:

      Not trying to be funny or dismissive; it couldn't be hormones, could it?
      XK

      Delete
    6. Damaged-

      I knew right away when you asked about "the cats", what your plan was.:)

      Don't worry-if I hear in the news, that cats are disappearing from "The Hemingway House", your secret's safe with me.:)

      I can't speak for everyone else, though.:)

      I love what you said to ThePsychopathInside-I completely agree!!!

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    7. ThePsychopathInside-

      I 2nd what Damaged said:

      "When you find it, go get it. Don't let anything stop you."

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    8. XK, I doubt its hormonal. Its something I have dealt with for a long time. And I've had hormones tested a ton (Mostly because I have lupus flairs with hormone changes).

      Damaged and Vegas, Thanks. I frequently Work towards it. Currently, I'm applying for a job that I really want, I think I have a good chance at getting it. I'm working really hard to make sure it happens. Because it's a lot of work and rewarding work, it does fill a lot of that boredom.

      Delete
    9. ThePsychopathInside-

      Good luck, on getting that job!!!

      ~Vegas

      Delete
  9. Do sociopaths really mature? What does the literature say about that?

    My mom is the reason I read this blog. I seek to understand her better, now that she's gone (having self destructed, essentially). She was equal parts sociopath, narcissist, and Machiavellian (the dark triad), and her ability to learn from her mistakes or to psychologically see into herself was virtually nil.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm deeply introspective as are some others. I'm not certain I want to mature though. That's the problem. If I had the will to change, I have no doubt in my mind that I would succeed at it. I would say that's a good way to put it.

      Delete
    2. Robert Hare says that as sociopaths enter middle age they tend to engage in less physical violence and outright antisocial behavior. He implies that it's probably because we just learn to feed our desires without being so overt.

      I don't know whether he's right or not honestly.

      Delete
    3. Specter:

      Are you saying you can change and mature up but are not sure if you want to? Or are you saying you can't change because you don't have the willpower - that it's beyond your control?

      Delete
    4. I honestly lack the willpower to pursue change. In my mind, there really isn't any need. I understand now that I've got to make some kind of effort because my boredom has only persisted as a result of my attempts to reignite the fire I felt within conflict. I understand that there is reason to change but I doubt my commitment.

      Delete
    5. Short answer yes, at least for the psychopath maturity did happen. It is still a work in progress. I still an not sure how to cope with some of the things in my life. And I still struggle to maintain the balance that I have created. But I'm not in my 20's anymore and petty games and manipulations just aren't the same. Maybe that means I've hit middle age.

      Delete
    6. Spectar TV if you get into some competitive sport you like , I bet your will- power will adjust accordingly. Just shooting out ideas.

      Some personalities thrive on it others maybe not so much. It's all good. Do what's right for u.

      Delete
    7. Specter thanks again for the honesty.

      I can relate to everything you said here except "In my mind, there really isn't any need."

      My own "motivation deficit" starting going off the charts when I was in high school and peaked when I was finishing college. When I realized it was largely due to my severe inattention symptoms (made worse by environmental factors) I went well out of my way to get that fixed. It was worth it in the end and saved me from major depression and psychopathy.

      Now if I started lying to myself and told myself that I'm fine, I might have saved myself the depression stage (temporarily, having delayed it) but I would have been delusional, narcissistic and never learn how really grow in life.

      There is no way I can possibly describe what (& how) God gave me what He did in return, and this is just the start! I didn't even believe in Him - I was a real atheist since I was 16.

      Patience and honesty are extremely difficult, especially when you have a lot piled against you. In the end, however, it is the only way to real success and you'll beyond ecstatic when you make it through.

      Don't let boredom control you!

      Peace.

      Delete
  10. Spec'TV
    try this game
    when you feel bored see what happens if you tell yourself you are not bored but actually "at peace" ..... society has given us some strange ideas about life and our sensations and you can get a sense of power from redefining those sensations.....it's far more interesting than that unfullfilling buzz you get from causing harm....to cause harm you actually depend on the other person being harmed....you depend to a certain extent on them.....
    telling yourself that you are at peace and not bored allows the place for an opening into many subtle sensations happening inside of you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey monkey no 3-

      Glad you are back.:)

      That was good advice.:)

      How was camping???

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    2. Excellent advise , agreed.

      Delete
  11. I have a question that is a little off topic but I believe it is connected to some degree. How to sociopaths experience meditation? For me, meditation is about slowly removing the veil of separation to experience the unity of all things. I imagine that sociopaths feel a need to gain great power through those games because they don't experience that interconnectedness to the same degree as empaths. I'm not saying that emotions are always a way to connect. The emotions of an empath can be disconnecting and formed from a place of judgment and separation- anger, frustration, etc. I am simply curious how mediation would be for the mind of a sociopath. Meditation opens my heart to seeing more interconnectedness and so the need to assert power becomes less. I'm not saying that I am enlightened- I am FAR from that. But my longing is to break through some of the illusions of the ego mind

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I meditate. I used to a lot more. For me, there is two types of things that happen with meditation.
      The first is that it isn't about interconnectedness, but rather silent and peaceful nothingness. When I meditate, my mind goes to what I call the "black hole" Where yes all atoms come together as one, but nothing is important or in "existence"
      The second is that of space. It allows my mind to break free of all the games and distractions and allow my mind the space it needs for rational and logical thought processing. This type of meditation is where I figure things out for myself and grow as a person.

      Delete
    2. ThePsychopathInside-

      I enjoy meditating.:) I love the "silent and peaceful nothingness".:)

      I also meditate for "rational and logical thought processing".:)

      You explain it perfectly.:)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    3. Hi TPI,

      I like your explanation of making space. I feel it as giving my subconscious full rein, as though it is expanding out, no longer compressed by my conscious mind's verbalisations. Thoughts that aren't verbalised dissolve and there's a deepness; a physical immediacy that is timeless, arching and complete.

      Delete
  12. Also, how are we seeing boredom here? I perceive boredom to be an inability to be still and to tolerate the moment. An urge to escape. Can we be bored if we can sit with ourselves and be present and silence? We live in an age of chronic boredom and it's a symptom of how we live in our minds and thus in the past or the future.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wind&Water well said, thumbs up.

      Delete
    2. For me boredom is a physical feeling in the pit of my stomach. Like hungry. Or a heart attack. It doesn't go away when I am doing something, although sometimes I can distract myself. It most definitely is an urge to escape or make something happen. I actually feel less bored when I get time to sit in silence, but that is because I an introspective and have time to reflect on my thoughts and desires.

      Delete
    3. ThePsychopathInside-

      Can you expand on "It most definitely is an urge to escape or make something happen."

      What do you want to escape, and what do you want to make happen?

      I am really interested in understanding this.

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    4. Vegas,
      Mostly I mostly want to escape from thinking. If you like hyper rational like I do, everything most be analysed and torn apart. It really is exhausting most of the time.

      As far as making something happen. Anything at all. When I get that feeling I just want to do something that changes anything around me, sometimes that is simple like clean the house so I can see a difference, sometimes its mess with someones life until its destroyed, most of the time its take on new work projects because I'm driven by a strong work ethic.

      Delete
    5. ThePsychopathInside-

      "Mostly I mostly want to escape from thinking. If you like hyper rational like I do, everything most be analysed and torn apart. It really is exhausting most of the time."

      I am exactly the same way.:)

      "As far as making something happen. Anything at all. When I get that feeling I just want to do something that changes anything around me, sometimes that is simple like clean the house so I can see a difference, sometimes its mess with someones life until its destroyed, most of the time its take on new work projects because I'm driven by a strong work ethic."

      Thank you, for expanding-I completely understand.:)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
  13. I have abit of thoughts for Adam if he's reading in , I'm not trying to be confrontational ....but you did mention you get more depressed being around people. It made me wonder....

    Is it possibly because you don't enjoy other people's views, expressions , or ideas .....and you are somewhat baffled that this world does not revolve around you? I don't mean that in a negative way, even though it can be perceived bluntly. I'm trying to understand you, that is all.

    When you say you've found the one already .....Which is " you." Your reflection, your views, your thoughts on things are just as important and valuable as the next person around you, that's all I'm trying to express. Hopefully in time you see more of that. You don't have to be very social, I understand the injustice and lack of morals is draining on anybody, and I know you probably feel that.

    But even a few solid individuals to help aid you through life is not a bad idea. It might take work. No ones perfect.

    I know I know you don't think you need anyone. You have yourself. Yes you do - but we also need some connection and community. Even if it's a small one. You'd amaze yourself how people would listen more to you if you extend yourself to your fellow man.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No I believe it's absolutely cowardly to share your ideas and frailties with others. A real man is alone in everything he does. He needs nothing but his own inner strength. Friends are for the weak. If you need the admiration of others you are also weak. I share nothing with no one not even my family. I'm on a planet of one.

      Delete
    2. Watch the anime fist of the north star. It's stacked full of the manliest of men in a time when honor actually I something. I hate this emasculated feminised culture where everyone is afraid to stand out. Polite society does nothing for me. Yesterday I saw two men bump into each other and they apologized like five times to each other it was embarrassing to watch that kind of grovelling. If they had brawled on the street like real men then I would have more respect for them.

      Delete
    3. Imagine living in a world where no weasely politicians or lawyers ruled over us. Only the strong honest handsome tough alpha males lived. Women and disabled would perish and our most genetically gifted would only survive.

      Delete
    4. Sounds like highschool to me...

      Delete
    5. I agree with Specter TV.:)

      Adam-If there were no women, each 18 year old male wouldn't be given one (as you mentioned before), and there'd be no more procreation (since science has yet to take a fertilized egg to term on its own), and the human race would become extinct...

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    6. yeah adam, you figured it out :-)
      https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/3b/f8/2c/3bf82ce08bfb666701623ef030b68f5c.jpg

      Delete
    7. Adam I haven't watched the movie - I'll check it out sometime. I'm trying to understand your mindset, I guess where your coming from. Its your reality-of course that you live within. What you see. What you feel. What you believe to be just. I just kinda wish you saw more to what you see in your existing perfect-realm world. But then again you might think that about others. I'm sure there's lots of virtues you can share with others that people might find admirable. Maybe others can show you another way to see things as well. No disrespect here. And ya I'm Tarzan! I meant women ! The weaker will always be among us. But who is really weak us or them. That's all subjective I believe. Pride always comes before I fall. I have to believe that. They teach me not I them. And if you are a man of honour, I'm sure you believe that in yourself.

      Delete
    8. If no one remembers you then you never existed.

      Delete
    9. Take chances people that's all I'm teaching here. Don't settle for mediocrity and don't let someone tell you you can't be a success. If a no talent like Kim Kardashian can become famous then anyone can. Can't is the cancer of can.

      Delete
    10. Superchick-

      "And ya I'm Tarzan! I meant women !"

      PERFECTION!!!

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    11. "Can't is the cancer of can."

      AWESOME QUOTE!!!

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    12. Of course i get it...
      i´m more a fan of Himura Kenshin. Obviously in manga form.
      in my eyes he´s more the apex aplha male than your caricatures of masculanity. politeness (if done consciously & freely) is rather a tool for peace and coexistence, than a weakness.

      Delete
  14. 8-) Robert Hare comes to take a look at SW. He reads [in no particular order]:

    "@ThePsychopathInside-I bet you sing beautifully.:)"
    "Stay humble - power and ego trips all succumb to nothing..No disrespect here."
    "You feel I could retune my abilities to being a useful asset for crime fighting?"
    "Lately, I've been thinking about what would make me truly happy."
    "Human beings are not meant to play childish, sadistic games against one another."
    "Don't settle for mediocrity and don't let someone tell you you can't be a success."
    "Some highs simply can't be be overtaken or recaptured; the type of pleasure you seek must change."
    "you can get a sense of power from redefining those sensations.....it's far more interesting than that unfullfilling buzz you get from causing harm"
    "Not trying to be funny or dismissive; it couldn't be hormones, could it?"

    Hare is stunned. All those years of research. Wasted. He finally realises what an utter, misguided fool he's been. These people are not demon spawn. They sing. They wish to become policemen. They meditate. They care, and respect Aspies.
    He groans in despair. How could he have been so wrong??? He is scum! He feels guilt and remorse. What has he done!!?

    Hare goes home, writes an anguished apology note to all the misunderstood individuals he has demonised for 35 years. He slits both wrists. He is found dead [thankfully] and his medal is revoked.
    The rest of the psychology profession [except for his two remaining friends], utter a huge sigh of relief.
    Good riddance, you diminutive rabbit.

    LOL. You are to be congratulated, inhabitants of SW! 8-) You have accomplished what the entire research psychology community cannot manage to do.

    Finally, in the words of the first among us:

    "Take chances people that's all I'm teaching here."

    PS. I hope SW does not take offense at this liberty of word-stealing.
    XK

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I repeat; I WAS NOT being sarcastic at any of the above comments. It was just really good to come on here and see no-one insulting anyone else; I guess I just got carried away in delight.
      XK

      Delete
    2. XK-

      I loved your post-I thought it was beautiful!!!

      Love wins.:)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    3. XK-

      "It was just really good to come on here and see no-one insulting anyone else"...

      I agree.:)

      Maybe it was because of the "Peace Train" song.:)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    4. I think like male and female-psychopaths and neurotypicals are more alike than different, and can create beautiful things together.:)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    5. @ Vegas:

      "Maybe it was because of the "Peace Train" song.:)"

      [said, with a reproving look 8-)]:

      No, it WAS NOT 8-) because of ANY songs. LOL

      XK starts feeling nervous at the thought of scrolling past pages of song lyrics again......what the hell is that weird feeling at the back of XK's mind.... can it be.... FEAR???!!! [gulp].....

      XK slinks off, chastened. Vegas is right.
      "psychopaths and neurotypicals are more alike than different"

      8-) good night.

      Delete
    6. Adam I'm not to sure what you mean of with Kim Kardashian , I hear to many people putting her down, she's her own identity, doing what she believes is best for her. True power is gained by not disregarding another group of people so you can feel better about yourself. That's displaying cowardly behaviour. Even Hitler felt justified in his own illusion by taking care of " his people."

      My husbands grandmother on his moms side even justified her whole life how he was a good man and did good for his people. She worked within the camps where my mom-in-law was born.

      Then she went to go visit the camps before she died. Tears streaming down her face , " he was a bad man. How could this be. He was no good. "

      That's what false power does.

      Delete
    7. XK-

      I like your sense of humor.:)

      You don't need to be nervous.:) Since Socioempath told me how to do links, I just include those, for the most part.:) I only include the lyrics occasionally, now.:)

      "Vegas is right. "psychopaths and neurotypicals are more alike than different"...

      Yes, indeed we are.:)

      I like your politeness.:) I hope you had a good night, too.:)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
  15. Hi everyone, I'm so excited!
    Life without my boyfriend was a real mess for me,What on Earth will i do to thank Dr.Unity for his help? he is wonderful and has a good heart. He is like a God on Earth and i really do not know what to do to thank him for helping me regain my boyfriend love back with his spell. After being in relationship with my boyfriend (Andrew) for 3 years, he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that never believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I mailed the spell caster, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before two days, that my ex will return to me before two days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different from all the other ones out there. Anybody could need the help of the spell caster, like of issue of not be able to get pregnant for many years, lotto, his email is Unityspelltemple@gmail.com or call him on +2348072370762 you can email him if you need his help in your relationship or any other problem like wining lottery your problem can never remain the same again, it will turn a thing of the past in your life.I am Katy Brown, United States.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Hi everyone, I'm so excited!
    Life without my boyfriend was a real mess for me,What on Earth will i do to thank Dr.Unity for his help? he is wonderful and has a good heart. He is like a God on Earth and i really do not know what to do to thank him for helping me regain my boyfriend love back with his spell. After being in relationship with my boyfriend (Andrew) for 3 years, he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that never believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I mailed the spell caster, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before two days, that my ex will return to me before two days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different from all the other ones out there. Anybody could need the help of the spell caster, like of issue of not be able to get pregnant for many years, lotto, his email is Unityspelltemple@gmail.com or call him on +2348072370762 you can email him if you need his help in your relationship or any other problem like wining lottery your problem can never remain the same again, it will turn a thing of the past in your life.I am Katy Brown, United States.

    ReplyDelete
  17. M.E said: It's only as a prescriptive matter that I suggest to sociopaths that the pleasure from cultivating power may not continue to be enough to get you out of bed in the morning, the older you get.

    O.P said: I'm bored. I put so much focus on what I was doing back then that I cannot take my mind off of it. I am stuck on what was rather than what is and instead of chasing something of substance I gain momentary ego trips when I reminisce on something that's long gone.

    That is because you have lost your power by dissociating it from *meaningful* purpose. That is the source of your restlessness and emptiness. “Boredom” serves as the defense mechanism through which you justify and rationalize this loss. You are like shepherds without sheep.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey A!!!

      I missed you.:)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    2. A-

      Well said.:)

      It's not the same, without you here.:(

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    3. I never did a thing for anyone until, middle-aged, had an epiphany at an orphanage in Thailand, followed by several more that I "went with." (Maybe out of boredom?) as a volunteer I set up and manned programs in a federal prison the next state over, and got weekly Buddhist meditation going in our state prison. Currently ride around town on my Soup Cycle, serving the homeless, and food desert children in rec centers, artisanal soup we make from reclaimed produce. I find I have to get outside and do something purposeful or die! https://www.facebook.com/SoupCycleCincy?fref=ts

      Delete
  18. I believe you are not a classic sociopath (a personality disorder manifesting itself in extreme antisocial attitudes and behavior combined with a total lack of conscience), as evidenced by you demonstrated social ability to emphasize with your bloggers. Lots of narcissistic indicators though. You may wish to consult an actual Psychologist. In any event, congrats on your interesting web site.

    ReplyDelete
  19. It's true-- thank you, Anonymous for your response. I don't dislike people as much as institutions, specifically U.S. Education and Medicine (http://www.patientsdeckofcards.com) I pray over every pregnant woman and dead animal I see and can't look at a newspaper without weeping copiously. I guess the therapist who called me a "pure empath" after I nailed biofeedback on the first try was right. On the other "end" I do stand-up comedy and can't bear to be with people lacking some mutual purpose or format. My father maybe was a sociopath, on the dark end. I endured ritual beatings, even drowning as a young child, seemingly spurred by his "curiosity" (and his belief, "children that young can't remember things.") Still I craved his love, transferred mine to animals (a much safer bet) and have a lifelong need to understand folks like him. I'm grateful to have read this blog-- led to it last week's "Inside Amy Schumer." I also mostly want to escape from thinking but for obsessing over the latest project, and am hyper rational-- everything must be analyzed and torn apart. It IS exhausting...

    ReplyDelete
  20. All thanks to peterherpescurehome@gmail.com, I am here to share a good testimony of my self on how i came in contact with a real herbalist who helped me. i appreciate everyone for taken their precious time to read my testimony, 6 months ago i was diagnosed of HERPES, this means that 6 months ago i was HERPES positive when i told one of my good friend about this, she sympathized with me and then she said that she was going to help me out, she told me that we should do some research on the Internet, we came across Dr peter and my friend said that she has come across a lot about him and said that he is a real herbalist remedy to all illness, i was really surprised on this and confused as well, I was so speechless and quickly i contact him to help me and he prepared some herbs for me and send it across to me and he told me the way i was going to be taken the medicine which i did, and in the next 2 weeks i went to the hospital and they said that i am now HERPES negative, i am very happy about this, when i contacted Dr peter again to tell him the good result, i asked him how he was able to help me, and he said that he was gifted with it that he can cure any disease. also reach him to because health is better than wealth Email him via: peterherpescurehome@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete

Comments on posts over 14 days are SPAM filtered and may not show up right away or at all.