The sick and the dying (part 1)
A reader asks:
I would be very interested in knowing how a sociopath deals with illness and old age. I am an RN and have cared for many a sociopath in my day (without knowing it). As I mentioned in previous emails my father is sociopathic. He is now in his 80's and a very miserable person to be around. He hates the fact that he is growing feeble, like we all will/do but his behavior is not the norm.
There seems to be no way to interact with him that does not turn out be a disaster. If I show my empathy and caring, he finds something to put a wedge between us. For example, the last time, I tried to talk to him about his physical health he threw in my face my teenage years and how I was not there for him during a difficult time. He let me know that he gave up on me at that time and that he had no use for me. If I ignore his ailments, he gets angry because no one understands or cares. It obvious that he feels quite less than everyone else and he makes little effort now to communicate with others with the exception of his wife who has devoted her life to him. I have not seen my father in almost 4 years.
I am wondering what is the best way to deal with an ailing sociopath. When sociopaths are faced with life-threatening illness and require hospitalization, do they look for empathy from others? Do the games stop even then or do they continue to manipulate people with a feeling of enjoyment? How does a sociopath think, feel and behave in times of such extreme vulnerability such as a terminal or life threatening illness along with the perils of aging?
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A reader asks:
I am pretty sure he just doesn't care enough to put a front up. He's obviously going to die soon, and he understands that, so he probably sees no point in manipulating anyone any more - he doesn't have to be "nice". Besides, the only thing he has control over now is you; the power to hurt you probably gives him some comfort. If you really want to make him happier, just talk back to him. He'll insult you more, and get more comfort from the fact that you are made powerless by your own empathy.
ReplyDeleteYour definition of sociopathy here seems to be "mind games but a good person deep down". Psychopaths are not good or bad. They are simply neutral. Nothing you can say can truly make him feel better, and nothing can make him feel worse, because the only person he really trusts is himself - your opinion, and your help are completely worthless, because he also views you as worthless.
You say things like "put a wedge between us". The wedge was there from the start - you cannot feel what he feels, and you cannot empathise with him because his brain is fundamentally different from yours. You are like a dog, a social, pack hunter, trying to understand a cat, an asocial lone predator. The best way to deal with an ailing psychopath is to leave them alone, or to some extent, find them something they might find interesting. Empaths hate it when they are not loved; Sociopaths hate it when they are bored.
*clap clap clap clap*
ReplyDeleteIt's really simple, if your father was there for you when you needed to be taken care of, you owe it to him to be there for him when hes old. If he wasn't there for you when you needed him, then you owe him nothing.
ReplyDeleteHow does a sociopath think, feel and behave in times of [...]
ReplyDeleteThere really is no catch-all answer to this. People think, feel, and behave according to who they are, not what they are labeled as.
The games stop when there is no more to gain. That is all. Being old or physically helpless does not mean one can't stil manipulate.
ReplyDeleteYour reaction may be all he is capable of getting now. But if it is enough to make him happy, the game won't stop.
Being faced with death makes no difference. At least not to me. Death is just another fact of life. It is as it is. Accept reality and see there is no good or bad or mystical value, just facts.