Friday, May 28, 2010

Gloves come off

I know nothing about hockey, but apparently you must take off your gloves to fight. When the gloves come off in boxing, that means that things are going to get ugly, hence the origin of the phrase "gloves come off." If it is the same in hockey, it seems unusual that officials would promote that sort of violence, or at least more than they already do by routinely allowing fights to proceed uninhibited.

I sort of like the hockey rule. I feel that there is something more honorable about fighting with the gloves off than with them on. You're not pretending. You're not hiding behind something or somebody else. The way I feel about things is that if you have a problem with me, let's go at it. I can play dirty and you can play dirty, but don't try to kid yourself or anyone else that you don't want to, that you are just doing your job, or whatever else. Don't hide behind your badge. If you think you need to take out the trash and that includes me, then okay, but don't later pretend that you've never gotten dirty. That's what I really can't stand about the guilt trips or the public shaming. Let's just both agree to disagree and get on with it because you can take me down in a fair fight, or you can cheap shot me to death, but even if I don't have the time or the inclination to play enforcer with you, some other crusader will, and I know for a fact that you will eventually get yours.


  1. loves it! totally agree:)

  2. People try to shame or guilt you into something when they know face to face confrontation would be bad for them. Either they can't beat you or socially that would make them look bad for having a point of view that others don't agree on. So they try to get where they're going by other means.

  3. i really agree with confronting! in small doses it's great at work, and establishes you as someone who won't be pushed around, but indulging too much can work against you as people either learn how to push your buttons or assume you're a loose cannon and you lose credibility. it's seen as a bad thing. so it's better to be political and manage the bullshit covertly, with the occasional confrontation.. i struggle with this like an addict. :(

    1. Being confrontational/aggressive may gain you authority but it will never earn you respect.

  4. Ukan B.A. BackstabberMay 28, 2010 at 6:29 PM

    Its better to stab people in the back. You just got to make sure you bury that knife to the hilt.

  5. I can't stab people in the back or in the front. The knife usually ends up turning on me. Stabbing you (without good reason) would be like stabbing myself. If you "F" with me, well then that is different, that calls for the Zoe, I responded to some of your thoughts/questions back in the empathy post. UK, Pandora, would love to get your take also if you have time to check it out.


  6. That's funny Zan:)

  7. I prefer a swift upward stab into the kidney, with a follow-up stab to the hollow between the neck and collar bone.

    The only real issue with it is cleanup. Exsanguination is always so... messy.

  8. The side hollow that is, not the middle one. The aim is to sever the subclavian artery, not give 'em a trachectomy.

  9. Cake please stab yourself in whatever organ that gave you the thought that you have added any substance in this comment section.

  10. aw but m.e., wheres the fun in being direct? wouldnt it be better to feign ignorance and innocence when the other person plays the jerk instead?

    i've been confronted a couple times. someone i was good friends with is doing it with me now but im always very cordial with them in emails and conversation. that way people will see that i mean no harm and that the confronter is the irrational one instead with their random snipes and death glares :)

  11. good point, however manipulation doesn't always work. confrontation can work better when you're on the receiving end of a game of divide and conquer. it let's the person know you're on to them and they will be afraid you will confront others who are involved and that you will unravel the lies that hold the game together.

    confrontation also works with sniping. manipulation is a too passive approach and will do nothing to deter them. the snipers i've known were extremely charming who used their friends as props or fodder to make themselves look good. they can't change. it's best to avoid them at work, and socialize one on one if you value the friendship.

    i see death glares as an open invitation to confront the sender.

    1. I see death glares as an open invitation to confront the sender.

      I see death glares and I hoard them in my memory.I pretend they didn't do it and smile a little, as I have just held a secret that I have their number.

      Then I do charm and no more glares.

    2. I am easy so no one gets hurt till the gloves come off. Then they submit because they are stuck in my sweet web of charm and intoxicating wit. No joke, I'm fucking charming.

  12. This post is not specifically directed at Ukan, but I think he really hit the nail on the head with the following comment, because it underscores the compulsive nature of sociopathic cruelty and the connection between anger and manipulative behaviour; two abusive constructs that are central to the dysfunctional, antisocial relational style:

    "When I am cruel to her, I say terrible things to her. I attack her with her insecurities and try to say anything that will damage her the most. I have tried to stop because I realized that what I say sticks with her forever. (Emphasis mine.)

    I have a way of getting vulnerabilities out of people. It's a cake walk when you are in a relationship because eventually they will tell you. Once I have them I use them like a weapon to bully that person. If I don't get what I want I will twist the situation into it being about one of your weaknesses or insecurities and use it to devalue you until it becomes a ultimatum of you feeling like a piece of rubbish or me getting my way."

    Ouch. That is exactly the mechanism, isn't it?

    I have always operated this way in relationships, and to hear it stated with such brutal candour is ghastly, but liberating.

    When I am angry, I am out of control- even though my tone may be level and my words, precisely calibrated to inflict as much damage as possible. I ensure the potency of my venom by viciously exploiting the vulnerabilities of the people I claim to love the most. Then, I find a plethora of reasons as to why I am perfectly justified in being pissed off, by virtue of “their” weaknesses, ineptitudes or incompentencies, that I have, in reality, projected upon them, in my desire to control the interaction and its outcome. And the worst part? Until recently, I actually believed these rationalizations, and I expected my targets to believe them too! LOL!

    I am overtly confrontational. I do not mince words or stab others in the back, as I perceive anyone who does this to be cowardly and weak. If I am angry and someone threatens me, the confrontation is likely to get physical. If someone actually touches me, my mind interprets it as a license to maim them and I will gleefully indulge in violence, even if I am at a physical disadvantage.

    I met one man whom I could not manipulate and outwit- and married him. Unfortunately, he has to bear the brunt- and sometimes the bruises- of my frequent ire.

    One would think that after becoming self-aware, the cycle would break. As a Christian, I understand and accept that such abusive behaviours are patently unacceptable! I am to love my fellow man. Yet the cycle continues. I caught myself doing it again several times in the past week! And I don't really feel remorseful about it, either. I will confess my sin and acknowledge my iniquity, but I cannot feel a deep, sorrowful repentance over the wounds I inflict.

    If I am in a situation where I get angry (and there are numerous situations that piss me off) it is almost as though I am now even *more* likely to let loose inappropriately, because it is just so easy to indulge my destructive penchant.

    Perhaps I, and others like me, need to learn to resist the impulse to initiate and escalate conflicts. I cannot handle my anger. Perhaps sublimation, and not eradication- is key.

    My character isn’t going to change overnight. Maybe “recovering sociopath” is a poor way to depict myself. In fact, as a description, it’s full of shit. I may have a defunct, defective, personality, but I rather *like* myself, and I am not sure I really want to change a thing.

    Maybe that is the problem: I cherish and cling to my sinful nature. Then again, if those aspects of my character that withered into antisocial traits had been well-tended, they might have bloomed into qualities like steadfast courage, fiercely protective loyalty, a clear-minded resolve to articulately defend strong convictions, and a willingness to stand up for countercultural truth at the risk of being unpopular. After all, I possess these traits too.


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